


the sweetest sadness in your eyes

by EllieLovesYou



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Requited Love, Unrequited Love, also chic? not a thing, anyways this fudges with the timeline a bit and the whole plot, but like not the happy ending you might be thinking of?, but ya girl stopped watching after season one so whatever lol, different way, just ya know, they end up happy i swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 09:05:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17639840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllieLovesYou/pseuds/EllieLovesYou
Summary: There’s a tense moment where Alice feels like she’s going to throw up with how suddenly her stomach lurches and she knows it’s not because of her pregnancy. She snatches the letter out of her husband’s hands and looks down with the words ‘engagement party’ popping up at her in silver raised letters, almost cruelly. Like they’re taunting her.





	the sweetest sadness in your eyes

**Author's Note:**

> heyooooo so this has been half written since april of 2017--this bitch real dusty lol. anyways i recently picked writing back up and i found this little drabble sitting in my docs and i was like oh shit lol well lets get into it so thats how this was born. 
> 
> also! I stopped watching riverdale a loooong time ago, basically season one ended and i wasnt into it anymore so pls disregard anything from seasons 2 and onward...also also!! i fudge with the timeline a bit not super important tbh just letting you know, yes, i know the timeline isnt right, i just don't really care, i just wanted to write a little bittersweet thing. this is just a biiiiiig au okay? like let everything you know about the characters go, pls and thanks
> 
> one last thing!! pls, enjoy i hope you like it! and pls, pls, pls lemme know if you like it <3

Alice is five and half months pregnant when her husband walks through the door to their home, a bright smile on his face “Al, honey, guess what finally happened?”

The blonde plops down on the couch, a tired huff escaping her “What? Did Penelope finally reveal she’s having twins because I’m further along than she is and she makes me look small”

Hal shakes his head sporting an amused grin “No, but that should happen any day now” he sits down next to his wife and hands her the letter he received in the mail “Hiram finally popped the question. He and Hermione are getting married”

There’s a tense moment where Alice feels like she’s going to throw up with how suddenly her stomach lurches and she knows it’s not because of her pregnancy. She snatches the letter out of her husband’s hands and looks down with the words ‘ _engagement party_ ’ popping up at her in silver raised letters, almost cruelly. Like they’re taunting her.

Her eyes scan the letter while Hal babbles on  and on but his words are muted in Alice’s head--she can’t focus on anything. Her vision blurs for a second and then--

“Honey?” he places a hand on her shoulder “Sweetheart, you look pale. Do you feel okay?”

She blinks, a beat and then “I’m fine” she forces a smile, a nearly plastic smile “Our dear girl is just rolling around--making me a bit nauseous” she places a hand on her distended stomach “Now, that’s enough rest for us. We have a deadline to meet, mister”

And, just like that, Alice Cooper (Nee Smith)  does what Alice Cooper does best--pushes the pain aside to be dealt with later.

 

-

 

“Oh thank you so much for coming, Allie” Hermione wraps her arms around Alice, with only the blonde’s bump separating them “I know your pregnancy has been draining”

Alice forces herself to smile “Yes, well, I don’t know what I expected--she is half Hal after all” there’s a bite to the words, a sharpness that they both hear but both of them just continue to smile “Now, let me see that ring so I can judge it and decide whether or not he needs to go back and get my friend a bigger one”

Hermione grins and puts her hand out where a huge diamond sits--Hiram loved to spoil Hermione and this was definitely no exception.

“Jesus” Alice curls her hand around Hermione’s “I don’t think your little finger could take a bigger diamond”

“Yes, he did very well” they lock eyes as their hands stay locked together, Alice feels like she could puke--she _always_ told herself she and Hermione could never be anything other than friends, always, but seeing the woman she’s loved in secret for so long, officially become unattainable makes her feel like someone reached out and punched her square in the chest.

(She chooses to ignore the stupidity of it all because she’s married-- _she’s married and pregnant_ with their first child. How can she be mad that Hermione is engaged?)

Alice sucks in a sharp breath and lets go of Hermione’s hand “You have family and friends to greet, I will not take up anymore of your time” Hermione opens her mouth to say something but, in the blink of an eye, Alice is walking away from her, aching to find Hal and hold onto the normalcy she knew, the normalcy she chose.

 

-

 

The day Polly is born is one of the happiest days of Alice’s life.

“Hello” her voice is soft and loving as she looks down at her newborn daughter--Polly, named after Hal’s mother who passed just after they found out they were having a girl, looks all like her mother from her eyes to her nose and it makes Alice feel almost smug that Hal is hardly represented in their daughter “Oh, hello, my sweet girl, my beautiful girl” the room is quiet, except for Alice’s whispers with Hal having gone to the office to take care of a few things.

And she, for a second, feels at peace with every choice she’s made. If it got her here, with her baby girl in her arms, she’d go through it all again. That’s what she tells herself.

“Knock, knock” the silence is disturbed as Hermione pokes her head through “Up for a visit?”

Alice nods, her soft smile still in place--no one could knock it off her face, not even her lost love of sorts “of course”

Hermione grins widely as she walks the rest of the way in, a teddy bear and bouquet in hand “I got some flowers for mommy and a bear for baby” she places them on Alice’s lap as she moves closer so she can peer down at the baby “Oh my goodness look at her” Hermione smiles “She looks like her mommy”

“I know” she can’t help but be a little too proud.

“Oh, Allie, she’s beautiful. Do you mind if I--”

The new mother nods “Of course, go ahead” she gently passes Polly to Hermione and as soon as she’s sure Hermione has her, she gently plucks up the bear. The year is stitched on the white bear’s foot with her full name stitched on the stomach, she runs her fingers over the name-- _Polly Grace Cooper_. She only ever told Hermione what they were going to name the baby. No one else was allowed to know before the birth.

“Hello, pretty baby” Alice looks up at Hermione cooing at the baby in her arms, a soft smile on her face “Oh you are just so gorgeous, you look just like your mother” the blonde’s chest aches, in her wildest of dreams, she had thought about this. Thought about how if she could ever be strong enough, she could have a life with Hermione and a baby that was theirs.

_Could’ve._

Alice shakes her head, ridding herself of those thoughts--she loves Hal, maybe not the best or the most but she loves him and she loves Polly and she’s determined to give both her daughter and herself a shot at being a family with Hal and stop daydreaming about something that was never possible.

The door to the room opens again and in walks Hiram, dressed immaculately as always. She forces a smile on her face but has to choke back tears as she watches Hiram go over to Hermione and wrap his arms around her, peering down at Polly.

This would be their life one day--Hermione, Hiram and a little baby they would make.

Hal walks in a few minutes later and Alice doesn’t think she’s ever been happier to see him.

 

-

 

Hermione gets married.

Alice serves as a bridesmaid and gets to stand right behind Hermione as she confesses her love for Hiram Lodge and forever tie her life to his. Alice cries--everyone thinks she’s being a good friend but she’s not crying for Hermione or Hiram.

She’s crying for herself.

That night she convinces Hal to take both her and the now four month old Polly home early. Hermione goes on her honeymoon and when she comes back, she reveals that she’s moving to New York with her new husband.

Hermione gets married and Alice’s heart shatters.

 

-

 

She cuts off contact with Hermione three months after she moves to New York.

Hal doesn’t ask, just does and Hermione sends a million different letters asking her why she won’t respond but Alice doesn’t even open them. She just sends them back and focuses on Polly.

Focuses on Polly and the fact that she’s pregnant again.

No one ever seems to notice, or mention, that Alice cuts Hermione off when the woman revealed to Alice that she’s also pregnant.

 

-

 

Her baby is born.

Her Elizabeth Addison Cooper. Her Betty.

She looks more like her father than Polly does but Alice can’t even be mad at that because as she looks down at her youngest daughter, she feels her chest expand. She loves Polly but the16 month old prefers her father most days and there’s just _something_ about her Betty’s eyes--she thought maybe she lost her chance at a soulmate with Hermione by letting her go or never truly loving Hal as she should but, as she looks down at her baby--she knows this is it. She knows that her eyes are now Betty’s and they’re going to have a bond stronger than anything.

She knows it and, for the first time in months, her heart doesn’t ache so much.

 

-

 

She peeks.

She doesn’t send the letter back because she knows Hermione is due to give birth any day now.

And she peeks at the thickest one.

Inside is a letter and a few pictures. She scans over the letter- _-_ 2:43 in the morning, 6 pounds, 4 ounces, brown eyes, _Veronica Mariana Lodge_.

That’s Hermione’s daughter.

Hermione has _a daughter_.

The picture of the newborn is enough to make a tear slip from Alice’s eye because there’s Hermione, she looks exhausted and worn but oh _so_ happy with her baby in her arms. She cries for ten minutes, allowing herself to crack before stuffing everything back in the envelope, throwing it in the back of her closet and plucking Betty from her crib to hold her. Anything to feel better.

In the end, she knows she can’t continue on knowing what she’s missing so she finally writes Hermione back a simple ‘ _Please stop sending me letters_ ’ with no other explanation. She places a picture of Polly, much bigger than the last time Hermione saw her and a picture of Betty. A baby Hermione never got to meet.

She sends it and never gets another letter.

 

-

 

Years pass and Alice, more or less, feels like her life is deteriorating right before her eyes.

Her Polly is pregnant and is swiftly sent away, she can’t stand the sight of her husband and her and Betty have been fighting more and more and all she can think is _where in the hell did I go wrong? Where did I lose my daughters? My husband? My life?_ The life she had so carefully constructed for herself.

And then everything gets worse because, of course it does.

Hermione breezes back into town with her only daughter by her side after Hiram was dragged away to prison. She would feel bad but after years of compartmentalizing, she’s not sure opening up any kind of emotion towards Hermione Lodge is safe, who knows what could tumble out?

She ignores Hermione’s return to town--ignores it when her husband brings it up, when a few people at work bring it up, she just ignores it. It's easy to do for a little while with her life crumbling and the fact that Jason Blossom was murdered just a few weeks before really helps out.

But then Veronica, of all the people in Riverdale, befriends her Betty, _her baby_.

Befriends her and is already forcing her nice, sweet, tepid girl out of her shell and Alice reacts because that’s dangerous--Polly was born with no shell, she was always the rambunctious one, the rebellious one, the one that would easily send her and Hal to the hospital first and now her Polly is pregnant, locked away at her husband’s urging and she can’t let that happen to Betty, can’t let her sweet girl become her sister.

She can’t, won’t, fail a second daughter.

So Alice reacts and pushes Betty to cut contact--pushes her to lose the girl’s number and not look back. She pushes and pushes and _pushes_ , it feels like she’s shoving at this point.

But Betty doesn’t. She doesn’t and she pushes back now and she’s always smiling and there’s something so painfully familiar about that smile because she’s worn in it before.  It’s the smile you wear when you fall in love with your best friend--a note of pain wrapped up in so much love and aching that it’s noticeable to everyone but the best friend.

And Alice is fully prepared to storm over to Pembroke, face Hermione Lodge for the first time in almost two two decades and just tell her to keep her daughter away from Betty because she can’t watch her baby go through what Alice went through--can’t watch Betty settle for something less because she’ll never get over a Lodge, she won’t watch her child hurt like that.

But then she sees Veronica and Betty together, in person and god--Betty isn’t the only one sporting that smile.

 

-

 

A few different things happen in quick succession after a lot of soul searching and heart breaking.

She kicks her husband out--she has to. She’s loved Hal for over 20 years, maybe not the best and definitely not the most, but she loves him. But she can’t forgive him for getting her to send Polly away and then not wanting her back home while she finishes off her pregnancy and high school. The word divorce had never left her lips but now it sits on the tip of her tongue.

She, then, begs Polly to move back in. She can’t have her oldest child at Thornhill of all fucking places and won’t have her grandchildren born around crazy people like Penelope and Clifford Blossom. It works for the most part--Polly moves back in, though Alice knows she mostly does it for Betty (she thanks whoever the hell is up in the sky that her girls have the relationship they do) and that’s enough for Alice.

And ,then, works on getting her and Betty’s relationship back on track. Moving Polly back in helped and Alice finally, finally, stopping pushing on Veronica definitely helped.

Betty dates the Jones boy as a distraction much like her mother had done (only Alice ending marrying and having two children with her distraction), breaks up with him after he apparently used some hurtful words and is now back to pining pitifully over Veronica Lodge.

Alice wants to hate Veronica, wants to hate her like she hates Hermione (she doesn’t hate Hermione, she knows this but acknowledging it’s not hate would be too messy) but she just can’t. She can’t because Betty’s smile is so much brighter around her, can’t because her baby is lighter, can’t because she doesn’t remember she’s heard Betty laugh so much.

But, mostly, she can’t because Veronica looks at her baby like she hung the moon and handpicked where the stars would go.

She can’t because maybe her Betty would get the ending Alice has only ever dreamed of.

 

-

 

Betty sits her down one day and proudly says ‘I’m gay’ and ‘I’m dating Veronica Lodge’ and Alice can’t help but reach out and wrap her up in the tightest hug she’s ever given the girl. A tear slips down Alice’s cheek and she chokes back a sob “I love you” she manages to choke out “I love you so much and that will never, _ever_ , change”

The younger Cooper hugs her mom back as relief that her mom doesn’t hate her outweighs the confusion of her mother’s reaction “I love you too, mom” she squeezes her tighter “so much”

Alice just grips her daughter tightly and kisses the side of her head, so much joy and pain coursing through her that she doesn’t know where one ends and the other begins. She’s so happy that her daughter is living her truth, is giving her happiness a real shot and maybe it doesn’t work out and maybe Veronica isn’t the one for her daughter but Betty is going to find out, she’s not gonna let it slip by her.

But her heart aches for herself and, yeah, maybe it’s a little selfish to mourn the life that could’ve been and the love that should’ve been while your daughter comes out to you but she can’t help but wonder--what if I had been as strong as Betty?

She pulls back and smiles warmly at her daughter, she presses her palm against Betty’s wet cheek “You are my daughter and nothing you say could ever make me stop loving you, I promise you that”

“Even though I’m dating Veronica?”

Alice’s smile becomes a little tighter, just little--it’s her reaction to anyone who has the last name Lodge at this point “As long as she treats my baby right, I don’t think I would have a problem with her” and it's true--if she makes Betty happy, why punish Veronica for something that isn’t her fault? For something that’s not even Hermione’s fault? Alice is the one who never told Hermione how she felt, who stuffed it all aside and married Hal, she can’t blame anyone but herself.

And she knows this now. She can admit it now.

She can’t let her beautiful daughter lose her shot--she won’t. She has to let go of that pain and sadness and anger.

Finally just--let it all go.

 

-

 

Alice knows if she never actually speaks to Hermione, she’ll never truly be able to move past anything so that’s how she finds herself on the Pembroke stoop on a late night. She told the girls she was going grocery shopping and, she was and then suddenly she’s parked in front of that stupid building.

The first face she sees is Veronica “Mrs. Cooper?” the girl is clearly surprised by her presence “I--”

“I’m not here for you, sweetheart” Alice cuts in smoothly “I need to speak to your mother”

Veronica looks so confused but nods and allows the woman into her home “Let me go get her” she disappears from sight and Alice lets loose a deep breath--she can do this. If not for herself, then for her baby.

For her Elizabeth.

“Alice?”

And, all at once, she looks up, sees Hermione and feels all her confidence leave in a flash leaving her unguarded. Suddenly she’s seventeen and in love with her best friend and totally and utterly-- _scared_. Scared of what people would say, what her parents would say, what she thinks of herself, and most of all, what Hermione thinks of her.

“Hermione” she greets stiffly “I--I need to speak to you” she chastises herself for stuttering, she had to have some semblance of strength, she _had_ to.

“If this is about the girls--”

“It’s not” a beat “well, kind of, I suppose but not really” she runs a hand through her hair, a trait she thought she smothered years ago “I mean, they brought me here but--this isn’t about them”

Hermione nods “Okay” she sits down on her couch, pats the seat next to her and sighs “Then let's talk, Alice”

She looks at the spot next to her, deliberates for all of a minute and decides it would only hurt her so she continues to stand “Hermione, I--” her heart stutters and she wishes she had the same confidence she had just a few minutes ago, she begs any god looking down at her for it but nothing comes. No strength, no confidence “I--”  she looks at the woman again and feels all the drudged up pain and abandoned hope and dreams and all she can think to say is simply,

“Hermione, I’m sorry” It surprises them both but only Hermione shows it “I’m so sorry for how our friendship ended and for the pain I caused without any good reason” her eyes burn “I’m so sorry”

“Alice--”

“I just couldn't do it anymore--I--I couldn’t--” her voice cracks without her permission and her throat closes up on her, choking her words back “It--It was my fault” tears roll down her cheeks, one after another--tears she refused to cry for so many years, tears that have been begging to come out “I’m sorry”

It’s whispered out, it’s all she manage in the moment but that's all it takes for Hermione to stand up and pull the blonde into her arms without hesitation. Alice feels her arms wrap around her before she can really debate it and just allows herself, for once in her life, to be comforted. To just let it out.

“Oh, Allie--” a soft cry leaves Hermione as a strangled sob works its way out of Alice “What in the world do you have to be sorry about?”

“I--” she pulls back but holds onto Hermione’s hands “I--” blue eyes lock with brown and all she can do in that moment, is smile the saddest smile and shrug “I was in love with you” she breaks her hold on Hermione

“I was so in love with you, I found Hal Cooper of all people and talked him into marrying me and starting a life with me so I wouldn’t have to think of what we could never have and--” she laughs without humor “You got engaged to Hiram, you married him, you had a beautiful, wonderful child and you guys were a family and--it finally sunk in that I had fully lost any chance to ever tell you and I--I hated you for it. _God_ , I hated you for-for just living your life”

Hermione doesn’t speak. She’s not sure she can.

“So I told you to leave me alone. I didn’t, I _couldn’t_ be reminded of what I was trying to forget. I could barely parent on the days, barely _live_ ,  that--that sadness had me so I just--cut it all off” she sighed “I had to”

She sucks in a breath “But now, my baby, your baby--they have decided they loved each other and--and Betty gets to do something about it” Alice smiles this time, genuinely and so happy at the thought of her child loving and being loved in return “She gets to be happy with someone she loves and--it wouldn’t be fair if I hated you for the rest of my life for something you just didn’t-- _feel_ ” she nods to herself “I can finally admit that”

“Al--”

“You don’t have to say anything” Alice cuts her off, a defense mechanism if anything to not hear what Hermione has to say about it all “I just, I finally needed to tell you”

A beat.

“See you around, Hermione”

She turns to leave and then--

“Alice Smith, would you wait a goddamn minute?” that is enough to stop Alice in her tracks, she turns around to see Hermione with tears rolling down her cheeks “I would love to process the fact that the girl I loved in high school, loved me back and neither of us did a fucking thing about it”

She’s stunned--she feels her chest tighten and then--”What?”

“You heard me, don’t make me say again” Hermione sighs and plops down on the couch, every ounce of grace drained from her body “God, I loved you--thought it was so wrong for me to only want to look at you that way while you loved Hal and then Hiram waltzed into my life and--it felt like a sign. Like, ‘look Hermione, here’s your chance! Take it!’”

Alice feels something bubble in her throat and before she can question it, a laugh escapes her. She chokes it back for all of a second with an apology on her tongue before it takes over again and she’s laughing like an evil movie villain and collapses on the couch next to Hermione. Soon, both women were laughing and laughing and laughing.

They both continue laughing for a minute with Alice’s laugh finally dying down, a deep sigh escaping her as she felt the last of her laughs leave her--tears prick her eyes without warning, making her swallow harshly “We fucked up, huh?”

Hermione chuckles and shakes her head, her own head a whole mess of emotions that she didn’t really understand “Yeah, something like that” she sighed and lolled her head over to look at the blonde that she was once, so in love with “Thank you”

Alice huffs wiping at the last of her tears “For what?”

“Telling me” she looks down at her hands, her manicure becoming very interesting all of the sudden “I--I always wondered, you know? What had happened for you to stop responding to me after I moved to New York and told you I was pregnant”

“Yeah” the blonde shakes her head “I just--I don’t know, couldn’t do it anymore, I guess” she smiles, softly “I don’t know if I’d take anything back, though”

“Yeah--me too. That girl in the other room?” Hermione sighs “that’s the love of my life. I don’t know who’d I be without Veronica”

“My girls are my world” Alice agrees “Polly and Betty are the only things in the whole world I know for sure, I can’t live without” a beat “But I’ll still wonder sometimes”

Another beat-- “Me too”

They sit in silence for a few minutes before Alice sucks in a deep breath “Okay, I think I’m gonna go. Told the girls I’d be right back and it’s been a little too long” she heaves herself off the couch “I just--I just wanted to clear the air, finally grow a pair and say what I always felt--had to do it for my girl. For both our girls”

Hermione follows suit and stands up “I’m glad you did” she gently pulls Alice into a tight hug “I still love you, Al” Alice smiles, and for the first time, doesn’t feel so bitter “Just a different way now”

“Me too--too much time has passed since high school plus I think the girls might actually kill us if we tried anything” she shudders “Too weird to think about us both dating”

Hermione laughs “Yeah but maybe--” she shrugs “Another life?”

Alice nods, firmly “Another life”

 

-

 

The blonde looks up at her house--the house that holds her hearts, her babies, and smiles, softly. Hermione’s revelation coupled with her own initial confession has left her more than drained but she knows everything will shake out and they’ll be okay. She feels it deep down in her soul.

It’ll be weird for a little bit but, before it all, the thing that made Alice fall for her in the first place was that they were friends, sometimes she was Alice’s only friend. Maybe they can get back _there_.

Alice sucks in a deep breath, and thinks to Hermione’s words--another life. Yeah, maybe, there was some version of Alice Smith and Hermione Gomez that did have the courage to tell each other how they felt, maybe they were happy and together and so utterly in love, maybe--

The door opening takes her attention from her inning ramblings to see both Betty and Polly walking out to the car, probably had noticing she’d been in the driveway for a few minutes too long, and she smiles at the sight of her two beautiful daughters walking together and yeah, sure, maybe she and Hermione were together in another life but she's pretty happy in this one.

-

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> so? i know its a bit weird and maybe not everyone will like the ending but it felt right lol.
> 
> if you loved it, liked it, eh it, lemme know! i love hearing back!<3


End file.
